Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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