If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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