So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
