Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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