i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
should my penis look like a turkey
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
