Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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