ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
