we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the condom got lost in my hair
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
