i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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