My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
