it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
