I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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