I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
