Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize