I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
