do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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