I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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