Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
