Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
