i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
