Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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