So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize