What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
