i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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