If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
