yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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