There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
