Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
