When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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