no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
