so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize