If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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