I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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