Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
