they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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