i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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