Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
