my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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