Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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