There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
someone owes me an orgasm
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
