whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
PANTIES FOUND
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
