yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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