I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
