Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
