yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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