you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
