I accidentally burped into my bong.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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