if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so let's talk penis.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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