Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
