Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
