is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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