No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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