I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
