I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
