if i can run in heels then i can drive
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i now understand why vodka
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
