4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
