Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
look no pants
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
