rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
